february 21

heheh. not much to say today, other than i hate it when people act like they know whats going on with you. and they really dont. richie and i broke up, i guess the whole fucking world knows that by now, but can everyone please stop making me feel like hitler for it. its nothing to do with him, i just dont want to date anyone.

also, i hate when people think that would've means would of. its would have. would have. would have. what a bright world we live in.

i bought the fame monster yesterday, a little late but YAY anyway. i will be cranking that first thing today. its early for me, because im going to church. i never go to church. this feels weeeeird!

tonight im giving my little todd his bday present. i ended up getting him a one year old card too, with a teddy bear on it. and they didnt have the heroin diaries (of course..) so i got him kurt cobain's journals. i read some of them last night.. soooo cool. im going to go buy it for myself.

i hope everyone has had a great weekend, im going to the house of the lord now.

quote of the day: i'm so ugly, that's okay, cause so are you. -kc

february 19

life goes on. and i love lady gaga. that on her wrist is the matching tattoo tyler and i are getting. im getting my anchor on my right arm. and that on my left. and probably 'i believe them bones are me' (from an aic song) underneath it. just to make it my own in a way i guess. but i do love gaga, she's become my latest obsession. its weird and unlike me. but shes so out there, shes like her own work of art. thats why i like her so much.

today is my hero's first birthday. todd has been sober for a year and im so proud of him. i hope he knows that. rejoice world, have a great day todd, you deserve it i love you.

"it is time for congress to knock down the barriers to treatment and recovery for twenty six million americans suffering the ravages of alcohol and drug addiction."

I knew last night at work would suck. I mean, I'm not a little kid who doesn't know how to do anything. I'm 17 years old. I'm fully competent. I know how to write a fucking ticket. Just because I don't do everything exactly the way you want doesn't mean the world is gonna end. None of the other managers care.

ANYWAY. I'm off tonight, and I feel really relieved to say that. Because this is what I'm doing this afternoon: going to the doctor, going home, starting laundry, sleeping until 6:15, going to eat with Richie on his break, coming home, sleeping some more, and practicing my presentation. And that's like my ideal afternoon (minus the practice and laundry parts).

Have I really gotten to the point in my life where I'd rather stay home and sleep than make plans? I guess I have. I don't really care. It's better to learn when you're young that life isn't always peaches and bubble baths, in my opinion. That way, you're less likely to have a mid-life crisis.

My theories are stupid. But I'd like to think that they work for me.

I read somewhere the other day, I think in someone's Facebook quotes, something that said, "SUCK IT UP, PRINCESS." So that's what I've started telling myself when I start to complain, or if I'm tired and annoyed and stressed. (So I'm saying that to myself a lot.)

I've had my iPod on shuffle, and "Champagne Supernova" by Oasis just started playing. I forgot that I even had that song on here. I love it. I miss listening to it. It's one of those classics. I love going back and listening to songs that I used to love in like, 8th grade. The other day I listened to "Rockaway Beach" by The Ramones. That was my favorite song by them! I was in such a fix on them when I was 14. Haha. I remember making a shirt with Dee Dee Ramone playing bass on it. That's another thing I miss doing - making t-shirts (am I rambling..?) I had a Ben Folds shirt, an 'I Heart NM' shirt (I heart New Mexico), a shirt that said 'Who's Your Daddy?' with a picture of Darth Vader, and so many others. They definitely don't fit anymore though. I have been wanting to make a sundress with some Star Wars fabric though. Not sure if that will happen anytime soon.

Kayla let me borrow her new Paramore cd to make myself a copy, and it's soooo good. I haven't stopped listening to it since yesterday. Haha.

Well, I really am starting to ramble, so BYAH

yellow ledbetter

I swear, my dad and I are two birds on the same power line. Yesterday in his letter a whole page was devoted to how much he loves Pearl Jam, and how all he does now is listen to music to keep him sane. He said, "Pearl Jam and Alice and Chains are my two favorite 'modern' bands. Ain't I cool?!" I love him. And in my previous letter, I asked him what a tattoo felt like, and he goes, "It's hard to remember, they started feeling like nothing after about the 20th one, but it's kinda like a really bad cat scratch that lasts for a few hours."

My friend Taylor's dad is in Iraq right now. She was telling me the other night how a soldier in her dad's company broke his knee. And another one of the soldiers basically went crazy and kicked the other guy - right in his broken knee. I couldn't imagine having to watch that. It's crazy how much war can psychologically affect someone. Thankfully, her dad gets to come home in January for good. I hope he makes it home safe.

I'm tired of school! I'll make a point to mention that in every one of these.

Friday we have Secret Santa in yearbook, and I'm afraid that a lot of people won't be getting (receiving) presents. Because I think a lot of the staff members will forget to buy a gift. Oh well, I need to remove my role of Mama Bear and leave things be I guess.

Gotta take a vocabulary test, L8TR!

mothership

I hate being a hypochondriac. I mean, my body might really have problems. But I feel like half the time I make them up. And I swear I don't mean to. I'm just tired of having to worry about the same thing. They say that 80% of health problems are mental. So, if we think we have a cold, we're probably going to get one. I'm just afraid that if I think I'm always healthy, something really will be wrong, and I won't know.

I really need to stop. It's becoming ridiculous. Why am I such a constant worrier?

I've slacked off a lot in school lately. There's a term for that - SENIORITIS. I'm so over this semester. I almost get mad thinking about how tired I am of school. Tomorrow I finally get a break. No work, no school, and I'm going to a Christmas party. Oh yeah, and I'M SLEEPING IN.

I can't wait until I can find something with substance to talk about here..

I'm in love with The Allman Brothers Band right now. And Heart. I always have been. But I love it when you have favorite songs that you listen to a lot, then you leave them for a while, and when you come back and listen, they're even better than before.

Today I'm thankful that I have Queen to listen to while I make these millions of powerpoints.

P.S. New Moon was beyond amazing.



Could he be any more beautiful?

knick knacks

I remember a long time ago when I had so much time on my hands. I did little needleworks all the time. That was around the time when I was jobless and never took The Beatles out of the music player. I miss doing the needleworks, and now that I've started my patchwork blanket, I want to get back into sewing even more. I bought all of the fabrics for the blanket about three months ago, and amidst my busy schedule, I've managed to cut the squares, but have yet to start sewing. My mom has to get a new Singer anyway. I follow the Milkmoon blog, and I looked at all of her cute little redwork projects today, and it really inspired me to start some of my own. I'll be heading to Hobby Lobby soon for some red thread and off-white fabric! I was thinking of creating some Christmas scenes and giving them to the women in my family, if I can have a few done by then. I looked up a few, and these were some of my favorites:





I can't wait to get started on my little projects; I need to start jotting down ideas for designs. I need suggestions, especially for ones that I make for my sweet Granny.

It's that time of year again to pull out Sufjan Stevens' Christmas albums. I never get enough of his Christmas songs, especially "Sister Winter". It's a sad song, but it's just so pretty.

All my gifts I gave everything you
Your strange imagination
You threw it all away

Now my heart is
Returned to sister winter
Now my heart is
As cold as ice

I don't need to speed Christmas up, because I'm always sad when it's gone. So, I've decided to post one thing that I'm thankful for every day up until Thanksgiving. Tell me what you're thankful for!

Today, I am thankful for my math teacher. She helped me with every little question I had today about standard deviation and never lost her patience.