16.12.09

yellow ledbetter

I swear, my dad and I are two birds on the same power line. Yesterday in his letter a whole page was devoted to how much he loves Pearl Jam, and how all he does now is listen to music to keep him sane. He said, "Pearl Jam and Alice and Chains are my two favorite 'modern' bands. Ain't I cool?!" I love him. And in my previous letter, I asked him what a tattoo felt like, and he goes, "It's hard to remember, they started feeling like nothing after about the 20th one, but it's kinda like a really bad cat scratch that lasts for a few hours."

My friend Taylor's dad is in Iraq right now. She was telling me the other night how a soldier in her dad's company broke his knee. And another one of the soldiers basically went crazy and kicked the other guy - right in his broken knee. I couldn't imagine having to watch that. It's crazy how much war can psychologically affect someone. Thankfully, her dad gets to come home in January for good. I hope he makes it home safe.

I'm tired of school! I'll make a point to mention that in every one of these.

Friday we have Secret Santa in yearbook, and I'm afraid that a lot of people won't be getting (receiving) presents. Because I think a lot of the staff members will forget to buy a gift. Oh well, I need to remove my role of Mama Bear and leave things be I guess.

Gotta take a vocabulary test, L8TR!

15.12.09

I really can't even explain how sick and tired I am of this same routine every day. I mean, I have been doing the like for about four years now, and I wonder why it's just now starting to get to me. Except for two days out of the week, I wake up and do the SAME. EXACT. THING. EVERY. DAY. It's starting to drive me a little crazy. This morning I was listening to "I Got Id", and I was thinking.. Eddie Vedder was crazy. But really, he wasn't that crazy at all. His early life was kinda shitty.

See.. I don't even know what I'm talking about. Anyway, if you listen to Vitalogy (sp?).. it's weird. And the album booklet is weird.

I want to sleep right now.

--- The Id comprises the unorganised part of the personality structure that contains the basic drives. The id acts as according to the 'pleasure principle', seeking to avoid pain or unpleasure aroused by increases in instinctual tension.

14.12.09

turn on, tune in, drop out.

Sometimes I wonder how much writing this really matters. It makes me feel better, anyway. I finally finished my Christmas shopping. I got Richie some nice, warm flannel shirts, and this cologne that smells so good! It was a little out of my price range, and I'm babbling rambling babbling right now djsklfjafklhalsjdl. I'm thinking that if I happen to get any money for Christmas, I want to use it to go to Bonnaroo. Ben Harper always seems to be there and I LOVE HIM. It's kind of like a modern day Woodstock. Anyone know how great it is!?:



I want to go back to New Mexico, too. So bad! Summer trip, maybe? I don't know how well asking off for three weeks would go with Randy. Or Carol. Haha. It's just so beautiful there. I don't really think about it that much, but when I do, I miss it SO bad. Especially Taos, which is about 20 miles north of Santa Fe. I love the markets there. They're so colorful and everyone is friendly. And the St. Francis Cathedral! I was so sad when my rosary broke. I forget about how awesome it is there. It would be fun to drive out there instead of flying. Flying gives me hives. I also remember seeing this sign on someone's yard that said "Anyone but Bush." It was actually really pretty, all painted and artsy. This was during the time that Bush was really showing his ass to the whole American population. Hilarious.


This is how almost all of the buildings looked there, even the college. They say the design provides for good ventilation.


This is the St. Francis Cathedral. I did have a jade-colored rosary bracelet from here, but it broke and the beads went everywhere. It was so solemn and quiet in there. Kind of intimidating to even walk.


This is a view of the open markets that are held almost every day downtown.


The best place in the entire world to eat. This is where Ashley worked for a while, so we got a lot of free food. And Jenny, a lot of free beer.


Hard to believe, but a lot of evenings really did look like this.

I miss it! I'm definitely going back soon.

P.S. I'm getting a pair of Toms shoes for Christmas. Read their mission:

One for One
TOMS Shoes was founded on a simple premise: With every pair you purchase, TOMS will give a pair of new shoes to a child in need. One for One. Using the purchasing power of individuals to benefit the greater good is what we're all about.

Our Story
In 2006 an American traveler, Blake Mycoskie, befriended children in Argentina and found they had no shoes to protect their feet. Wanting to help, he created TOMS Shoes, a company that would match every pair of shoes purchased with a pair of new shoes given to a child in need. One for One. Blake returned to Argentina with a group of family, friends and staff later that year with 10,000 pairs of shoes made possible by caring TOMS customers.

Since our beginning, TOMS has given over 150,000* pairs of shoes to children in need through the One for One model. Because of your support, TOMS plans to give over 300,000 pairs of shoes to children in need around the world in 2009.

Our ongoing community events and Shoe Drop Tours allow TOMS supporters and enthusiasts to be part of our One for One movement. Join us.

Why shoes?
Most children in developing countries grow up barefoot. Whether at play, doing chores or just getting around, these children are at risk.

Walking is often the primary mode of transportation in developing countries. Children can walk for miles to get food, water, shelter and medical help. Wearing shoes literally enables them to walk distances that aren't possible barefoot.

Wearing shoes prevents feet from getting cuts and sores on unsafe roads and from contaminated soil. Not only are these injuries painful, they also are dangerous when wounds become infected. The leading cause of disease in developing countries is soil-transmitted parasites which penetrate the skin through open sores. Wearing shoes can prevent this and the risk of amputation.

Many times children can't attend school barefoot because shoes are a required part of their uniform. If they don't have shoes, they don't go to school. If they don't receive an education, they don't have the opportunity to realize their potential.

There is one simple solution...SHOES.

Of the planet's six billion people, four billion live in conditions inconceivable to many. Lets take a step towards a better tomorrow.
They were just talking about war and race on TV. A lot of people think that the war is a waste of time. While I agree, I also comprehend the fact that if we left like everyone wants, we'd be destroyed. It's common sense. And it kills me when people don't support the troops. I'm not trying to sound like a crazed right-wing conservative, because I'll eat worms before I ever claim to be one of those. I'm just saying. Support the soldiers.

They also asked the question, "Are we doing enough for minorities?" ...Don't even get me started.

11.12.09

mothership

I hate being a hypochondriac. I mean, my body might really have problems. But I feel like half the time I make them up. And I swear I don't mean to. I'm just tired of having to worry about the same thing. They say that 80% of health problems are mental. So, if we think we have a cold, we're probably going to get one. I'm just afraid that if I think I'm always healthy, something really will be wrong, and I won't know.

I really need to stop. It's becoming ridiculous. Why am I such a constant worrier?

I've slacked off a lot in school lately. There's a term for that - SENIORITIS. I'm so over this semester. I almost get mad thinking about how tired I am of school. Tomorrow I finally get a break. No work, no school, and I'm going to a Christmas party. Oh yeah, and I'M SLEEPING IN.

I can't wait until I can find something with substance to talk about here..

I'm in love with The Allman Brothers Band right now. And Heart. I always have been. But I love it when you have favorite songs that you listen to a lot, then you leave them for a while, and when you come back and listen, they're even better than before.

10.12.09

Today, I have a test on Jane Eyre. And I didn't read any of it.

9.12.09

"Reality exists as an objective absolute — facts are facts, independent of man’s feelings, wishes, hopes or fears." -Ayn Rand

Why is searching for scholarships so hard!? I got the scholarship newsletter yesterday, and I swear, I've been to every website, and they either expect you to have taken the ACT or SAT (which I haven't, and will not) or something else happens that eventually means I can't apply for the scholarship. ALL I NEED IS MONEY FOR COLLEGE. It shouldn't be this hard.

Mom's a little loopy about filling out the FAFSA information; she thinks they're going to steal her identity or something. I'm like, look. I'm going to be a bum if you don't do this - it changes her mind just a little.

vhjgvgjdhkgjgufcdulcylu

8.12.09

the rain song

I can't decide whether or not I like the time of day when I'm laying in bed at night and rehashing all of my thoughts from the day. It does make me tired, so I go to sleep faster. But, as many know, I over-analyze anything and everything. I mean, last night I was thinking about the business letters we did in DCS, and I remembered - I forgot to align my modified block style letter. How pathetic. That I'm really worried about that stupid letter at 11:30 p.m. I hate it when I think about things so much that I start to cry, or get mad. I just need to go to sleep.

Yesterday in yearbook we drew names for Secret Santa. I guess I'll get some "smelly good" stuff, as mom calls it. I love Christmas time. But, it does make me sad that less houses in my neighborhood have decorations this year. Maybe this year has just worn people out. I know it has me.

I was reading a friend's blog a few days ago, and I remember it saying "I'm sick of complaining, and sick of it not helping." I really couldn't agree more with that. I feel like I complain all the time. In fact, I know I do. Dad says I'm just opinionated. That's true, but sometimes I feel like I just whine too much. Sometimes the sound of my voice gets on my nerves. And she was right, it never helps or changes much, and it sucks. Bad. I wish I could just be in a great mood everyday, even though I know that's impossible. Maybe just a little bit happier. I'm always worried about something, or annoyed, or tired. Scratch that - always tired. Haha. But.. I'm in this rut. And I think a lot of the people around me my age are feeling the same. We're stuck here with people who will still be here next year, acting like idiots, and we're going to college. We will be college students. And we're still here. I know - that sounds weird and stupid, but in my head, I know what I mean. I think we all have bad senioritis. And nothing can cure it besides graduation. And that's .. six months away. Maybe I just need a new semester. With art. I think art will help me actually kinda enjoy getting up early, since it's first period. I hope we do cool stuff in there this year. And I hope my hand doesn't fall off from the all the art history notes. I really want to paint a lot more.

I AM SO SLEEPY!

7.12.09

far from the moon

I get so tired of the same routine. It makes me tired just to think about it. Wake up (so early), get ready, run out the door, get to school as the bell rings, and go through all the same classes every day, and then go to work right afterwards. The only one that I actually look forward to each day is yearbook. I feel like the work I do in there is actually worthwhile. You know? Like, we take math and english, and we get good grades on the tests. But we don't actually see the "end result" until we graduate and get handed a legal piece of paper, our diploma. It all seems really useless sometimes when I stop and think about it. But in yearbook, I can actually see and picture the end result. And it makes me feel a little better. Even if half the staff drives me batty.

I worked all weekend, like usual, and Friday we actually had a good night. I made about 40 dollars in tips, which is really unusual for Randy's. Someone even left a twenty in my stocking! I almost cried. But anyway, this Friday we get paid, and hopefully I can use half of my pay to get the rest of Richie's Christmas stuff, since I finally got done buying everyone else's. It's gonna feel weird; I've never used my paycheck for something big like that. Just gas on occasion, if I ever didn't have enough money in tips. Might I just add, and I've probably said this before, but it is damn hard living off tips. Haha

I hate how my skin gets so dry in the winter. I bought some St. Ives Vitamin E lotion (the statement I just made is making me start to wonder just how interesting my life has become) and I try to put it on every night before bed, or when I take a shower. It smells really good. But I do love the winter.

^^ How pointless was that whole paragraph? It feels like this is just my mind's thoughts, except maybe a little less chaotic.

Today is nine months for me and Richie. I love you, cuddy buddy!

Yesterday my mom was in the computer room wrapping presents, and I opened the door to ask her a question. It was so funny, because as soon as I cracked the door, she took everything in her power to hide my presents with wrapping paper. It was so much confusion and paper-y noise. She makes everything so dramatic and awkward, but I do love her. I saw a Barnes and Noble bag.. and anything from there is good.

I feel like I'm never at home anymore, I never have time to spend with my family, or anyone else for that matter. Richie and I both work all the time, and it's hard to work out times to just lay in bed and watch TV. Which is better than any "date". That's why I can't wait until Christmas, when I'll be able to see my dad's family, my at-home family, my adoptive family, Richie and his entire (HUGE) family. And nooooo work on Christmas!

4.12.09

P.S. My mom said this morning, "Bye, my little plain one."
Thanks!
Researching Sylvia Plath was actually a lot of fun. As I said, she's dark and wonderful. Wake Forest is a huge, huge place. The library there has to take up at least 75% of the place. It was enormous. And, in that enormous library, I found a 'rare copy' of Sylvia Plath's final poem. I can't recite what it said, but I do know it mentions her folding her children back into her body.

The subscript said: "It was then after scrawling down these last few lines, Plath taped the kitchen door shut, left her children (who were playing in the next room) a plate of cookies, and stuck her head in the gas oven, waiting to die."

Bone chilling.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

3.12.09

139 days.

1.12.09

with ink on her hands

I always love Tuesdays. DCS is easy. We always start new stuff on Mondays, and he works this room like a sweatshop. But I finished my business letters and now I have some time to write this.

My English class is going to WFU Library tomorrow to do, as Mrs. Jones would say, "scholarly research". Yeah, we all laughed at that one. Anywho, at the beginning of the semester she gave us a list of books that had previously been banned for various reasons. Some books included..

"Harry Potter Series: The most common reason cited for the banning of these J.K. Rowling books is their use of witchcraft and the fear that fantasy and reality could become confused for children. However, some challenges have arisen over the violence it portrays.

Slaughterhouse Five: Kurt Vonnegut's novel has been challenged and banned because of its profanity, violence, and explicit sexuality.

Fahrenheit 451: Ray Bradbury's book is about censorship and those who ban books for fear of creating too much individualism and independent thought. In late 1998, this book was removed from the required reading list of the West Marion High School in Foxworth, Mississippi. A parent complained of the use of the words "God damn" in the book. Subsequently, the superintendent instructed the the teacher to remove the book from the required reading list."

It makes me sad that two of my favorite (Slaughterhouse and Fahrenheit) are banned. I mean, Slaughterhouse Five really is "explicit", but it's just so good. Kurt Vonnegut is brilliant. I don't know if he was mad about his book being banned. He probably knew it would be anyway. I don't think that F.451 should have been banned at all, though. It is a very psychoanalitic story, but it teaches the lesson that books are important. Bradbury is definitely one of my heroes. But you know, here in America, we completely shun the moral of an entire story because of the phrase "god damn". Really?

Mrs. Jones assigned us to pick a book off of the banned book list, and I chose the Bell Jar. One, because I've already read it (shhhh...) and two, it's dark and wonderful. I did read it a lot slower this time. I mean, I paid a lot more attention. I have a tendency to get in too much of a hurry when I read a good book. We are going to WFU tomorrow to research the circumstances around our book's banning. Some people chose really horrible ones. Like, Gulliver's Travels and Lady Chatterly's Lover. I've never liked really intricate, old-style books. I'm a pretty cut and dry reader. And writer!

But anyway, I love Tuesdays because I get to go to the Dispatch, which I actually really enjoy doing now. I used to not like it as much, because there wasn't much for me to do the first few meetings, but now they have me editing and working on Quark (hopefully, if the IT guy got everything worked out!) Today I get to place my first editorial and photo on my new layout. I'm looking forward to 3:30. Plus, it always smells like newsprint and coffee in there. And Michelle smells like a caramel latte. Yeeeaaahhh am I weird or what!?!

It was pathetic how slow we were at work last night. Taylor and I goof around a lot more than we probably should. We were talking about Chris Crocker's "I'll Look at You Like You're Stupid", and I decided to act like that to whatever Todd said. So if he'd ask me a question, I shook my head back and forth a little too dramatically. Really, you would have had to be there. Sometimes, I actually like working. Randy told me the other day to "keep up the good work", I couldn't believe that.

I've got more business letters to write! YAY.



"Psychology tells me.. your body language indicates to me that you wanna be just like me. I invented a phrase today, and it's I'll look at you like you're stupid."

141 days until daddy is home.