the rain song

I can't decide whether or not I like the time of day when I'm laying in bed at night and rehashing all of my thoughts from the day. It does make me tired, so I go to sleep faster. But, as many know, I over-analyze anything and everything. I mean, last night I was thinking about the business letters we did in DCS, and I remembered - I forgot to align my modified block style letter. How pathetic. That I'm really worried about that stupid letter at 11:30 p.m. I hate it when I think about things so much that I start to cry, or get mad. I just need to go to sleep.

Yesterday in yearbook we drew names for Secret Santa. I guess I'll get some "smelly good" stuff, as mom calls it. I love Christmas time. But, it does make me sad that less houses in my neighborhood have decorations this year. Maybe this year has just worn people out. I know it has me.

I was reading a friend's blog a few days ago, and I remember it saying "I'm sick of complaining, and sick of it not helping." I really couldn't agree more with that. I feel like I complain all the time. In fact, I know I do. Dad says I'm just opinionated. That's true, but sometimes I feel like I just whine too much. Sometimes the sound of my voice gets on my nerves. And she was right, it never helps or changes much, and it sucks. Bad. I wish I could just be in a great mood everyday, even though I know that's impossible. Maybe just a little bit happier. I'm always worried about something, or annoyed, or tired. Scratch that - always tired. Haha. But.. I'm in this rut. And I think a lot of the people around me my age are feeling the same. We're stuck here with people who will still be here next year, acting like idiots, and we're going to college. We will be college students. And we're still here. I know - that sounds weird and stupid, but in my head, I know what I mean. I think we all have bad senioritis. And nothing can cure it besides graduation. And that's .. six months away. Maybe I just need a new semester. With art. I think art will help me actually kinda enjoy getting up early, since it's first period. I hope we do cool stuff in there this year. And I hope my hand doesn't fall off from the all the art history notes. I really want to paint a lot more.

I AM SO SLEEPY!