wow,

I have 740 profile views on here. Stuff like that amazes me. Is that sad? I have been on here since April '08 though. Do I remember April '08? Yeah... when I turned 16, when I dated a dumbass, haha. Live and learn. Story of my life.

I think I'm going to eat after school with Kayla and Julie, I'm so glad, we haven't hung out in such a long time. I miss them!

SO. on the inside of my arm, right below where it folds at the elbow, is where i want my script in april. its gonna say,

"one must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star."

This is something that Freidrich Neitchze (sp?) said, I love it, I feel like it really applies to me and all the shit I've been through. You know, I can still do awesome stuff, and the chaos helps the story. That's just what I think. It's gonna look like a little paragraph on my arm, I'm also getting some stars and celestial stuff around it. I'm debating whether or not to get it in French. Probably not.

Only 99 days until I can make it happen!

I like my privacy. I learned that today.

I knew last night at work would suck. I mean, I'm not a little kid who doesn't know how to do anything. I'm 17 years old. I'm fully competent. I know how to write a fucking ticket. Just because I don't do everything exactly the way you want doesn't mean the world is gonna end. None of the other managers care.

ANYWAY. I'm off tonight, and I feel really relieved to say that. Because this is what I'm doing this afternoon: going to the doctor, going home, starting laundry, sleeping until 6:15, going to eat with Richie on his break, coming home, sleeping some more, and practicing my presentation. And that's like my ideal afternoon (minus the practice and laundry parts).

Have I really gotten to the point in my life where I'd rather stay home and sleep than make plans? I guess I have. I don't really care. It's better to learn when you're young that life isn't always peaches and bubble baths, in my opinion. That way, you're less likely to have a mid-life crisis.

My theories are stupid. But I'd like to think that they work for me.

I read somewhere the other day, I think in someone's Facebook quotes, something that said, "SUCK IT UP, PRINCESS." So that's what I've started telling myself when I start to complain, or if I'm tired and annoyed and stressed. (So I'm saying that to myself a lot.)

I've had my iPod on shuffle, and "Champagne Supernova" by Oasis just started playing. I forgot that I even had that song on here. I love it. I miss listening to it. It's one of those classics. I love going back and listening to songs that I used to love in like, 8th grade. The other day I listened to "Rockaway Beach" by The Ramones. That was my favorite song by them! I was in such a fix on them when I was 14. Haha. I remember making a shirt with Dee Dee Ramone playing bass on it. That's another thing I miss doing - making t-shirts (am I rambling..?) I had a Ben Folds shirt, an 'I Heart NM' shirt (I heart New Mexico), a shirt that said 'Who's Your Daddy?' with a picture of Darth Vader, and so many others. They definitely don't fit anymore though. I have been wanting to make a sundress with some Star Wars fabric though. Not sure if that will happen anytime soon.

Kayla let me borrow her new Paramore cd to make myself a copy, and it's soooo good. I haven't stopped listening to it since yesterday. Haha.

Well, I really am starting to ramble, so BYAH

i am
t i r e d.

i need a
b r e a k.

the end.

i best be on my way out.

Drinking nothing but water lately is starting to do wonders for my skin and hair. Who would have thought?! I wish we had softer water here. That always makes for better, healthier hair. But I'm not really big on moving to somewhere like Louisiana..

It's crunch time for the Graduation Project now. Seriously. I see everyone else with their completed portfolios and photo albums and it makes me sick to my stomach. I've gotten a little of each component done, but I'm nowhere near being finished. I'm trying not to stress about it.

When you think about it, the things we stress over the most are the things that we actually have control of. That's what I have to tell myself when I start freaking out about stuff. I have control over it, I can get it done. I just have to focus. That was definitely a New Year's resolution. To FOCUS.

Because college isn't that far away, and the teachers never give you any slack there. Especially at a community college where you're surrounded by a ton of more students.

Today will be the fifth day in a row that I've had to work. And I have to close with Randy. He always makes me nervous, like I just started working there or something. I think it's a little sad that I feel like I still have to prove myself to someone whom I've been working under for 8 months.

LIFE...

This is going to be an easy week at school. It's exam review all week, and I only have one to take. WAHOO!

I have to be at work at 7 on Saturday. Which means, waking up at 5:30 A.M. IT IS GOING TO SUCK. But I'm probably going to get a lot of good tips, since weekend breakfast and lunches are the only times we're actually busy.

So I've been thinking a lot about how I want the apartment to look in April. I feel stupid for thinking about it so much. It's just that I'm pretty future-oriented. I want the bedroom to look like Bella's. (HAHA, HOW LAME DO I SOUND?!) But I don't care. You know, I STILL haven't read Eclipse. I went to get Donald Miller's new book, and it's taking every second of my minimal free time just to get through the chapters in that book. But as soon as I get done with it, I'm starting on Eclipse. And I'll have no stupid English books to interrupt me. I'm sorry, but I'm just not a big fan of literature. But anyway, I want to string lights around the tops of the rooms (well, the bedroom and living room), and I want the living room to be black, white, and maybe a light yellow. Maybe I'll just leave it black and white. I do want the pictures on the walls to be black and white. I'll probably get some from Hobby Lobby. I'm excited. I need to start buying a few little things at a time. Like a shower curtain, coffee maker, etc. I need to get a new bed set. Because mine now doesn't even match. I can't wait to buy them, wash them (with probably more fabric softener than necessary), and cuddle up in them. I sound ridiculous. Oh yeah, and candles and incense burning all the time. I'm determined to have the most relaxing little bungalow ever.

I realized that I never talk about Richie on this. If I do, I don't remember. He knows I love him though. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even read this...

I'm having a really good day so far. Then again, it is only first period. But we had a two hour delay, and it was nice to get a little bit more rest than usual. And I'm off work today!

Tonight I'm going to Appalachian Ski Mountain to sit by the fire in the lodge with my sister, while the "men" snowboard. I think Carter is going too. Poor baby Richie has to work though. He's had the past two days off though! Haha. I'm excited. If I could move to the mountains right now, you better believe I would. I love it so much there. I love the weather in the summer, how mild and breezy it is. And I love the culture there. Especially in towns like Asheville and Boone. So many free spirits, so much art, so many hippies - everything that I love and aspire after is there. I'm pretty sure that after a few years of living in High Point I'm going to be packing up and heading west. (And dragging R Blackwell along, even if he objects! I know he loves it too..) Hopefully by then we'll be traveling by 1970 Volkswagen Beetle. Oh yeah, I love the landscape to. One of God's best creations.

Yeah, I'm set on getting that for $1,200 THIS SPRING. No one understands why I'd want to trade a 2004 model car for an old rickety bug. Well, you just have to know me, I guess. I'm stubborn as hell.

I really want Starbucks to call me back. The WWW said they were hiring baristas. I would love it so much if I could work there. Nothing against Randy's. I mean it basically is where I live, but I'd like to get away from VEGTUBULL PLYAAATES. People in this community kill me. Haha.

Well.. nothing else to really write about. Congrats to Julie and Kayla for finishing their graduation projects. I need some intervention to get going on mine. I respect them for finishing theirs. Haha. And also congrats to you two for graduating in SIX DAYS. I hope both of you love every minute of being away from this institution. Go get em!

^_^

Earlier I posted this new year's list, but I revised it a little.

I realized the other day that I really like to-do lists. As unconventional as I am, I like organization.

So here's a stab at one...

- start shopping for the apartment
- put in the deposit and first month's rent in april
- take better care of my skin (if that's possible.. nothing works)
- drink more water
- try to be a little more confident
- put the neon in my name, and if not, buy the bug from Johnny for $1,200.
- stop worrying so much about my health
- relax
- ask for days off if i feel overwhelmed
- get through these last few months of hell
- decide on my tattoo by the beginning of april
- get a puppy
- stop being so shy; be more sure of myself and my words
- read more
- stay a night in Boone by myself
- stay a night in Boone with Richie
- FOCUS when I start college
- get a new job (i hope starbucks calls me back)
- go hiking once a month. i miss hiking
- go canoeing a lot too. havent been to zaloo's since 2007
- spend a day at mellow and krankies
- be myself more
- be more in touch with my spirituality
- get in shape
- draw more, be more artistic
- finish the grad project
- be able to exempt all 2nd semester exams (work hard..)
- keep up with my journal every day

I guess that's it. how well i'm going to accomplish all those things, that's up in the air. what i wrote in my journal last night really upset me. so I just want to improve myself.

all im going to say today is,
i think its bullshit that i leave my house every day at the same time, but just because i get behind a slow ass bus, im late. awesome.

the clanking of crystal

I'm not really big on New Year's resolutions. I don't usually make them, and when I do, I never stick to them. My all time favorite writer, Donald Miller, recently released his newest book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. It's amazing, needless to say. But in his blog, he approached the new year and making resolutions in a way that actually makes me want to list some of my own - and get started right away. I decided to put his story here. I'm going to include the link so he won't feel used! This might be a bit lengthy, but you'll be glad you read it.

...

Living a Good Story, an Alternative to New Years Resolutions
by Donald Miller on January 1, 2010

I’ve written my goals for the year: to eat healthy and exercise, to pay down my home, and to dig deeper into friendships. But while those are great ambitions, if I left them as just ambitions, or resolutions, chances are I wouldn’t get them done. Most people don’t stick with their new-years resolutions. But it’s not because they lack the resolve. It’s because their goals aren’t embedded in the context of a narrative.

I’ve discovered something better than resolutions. If you’ve read A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, you know I’ve reorganized my life into stories rather than goals. I don’t have any problem with goals. I like goals and still set them. But without an overarching plot, goals don’t make sense and are hard to achieve. A story gives a goal a narrative context that forces you to engage and follow through. People who are in great shape and have their finances in order probably don’t set goals to be in good shape or get their finances in order. They probably set goals of running a marathon or paying off their house. In other words, they think in narrative rather than goals. The goals get met in the journey of the story.

A story involves a person that wants something and is willing to overcome conflict to get it. If you plan a story this year, instead of just simple goals, your life will be more exciting, more meaningful and more memorable. And you are much more likely to stick to your goals. For instance, rather than saying I want to finish getting into shape this year, I’ve written down that I want to climb Mt. Hood with a couple friends. I have a vision of standing on top of the mountain in May, taking pictures and all that. Now my goal has a narrative context. That’s just a simple story, and I’ve planned some stories that are far more difficult but I only use that as an example. If my goal were to lose twenty pounds, I doubt I’d stick with it. But when you have friends flying up from Texas to summit the mountain with you, you’d better believe you are going to be hitting the stairs. I have to, because it I don’t, my story will be a tragedy. Again, stories give goals context.

So here are a few tips on planning a story for 2010:

1.Want something. In a story, the character wants something. Rudy wants to play football at Notre Dame, Harry wants Sally, Frodo wants to destroy the ring and so on. It’s true in every story, or else a story doesn’t make sense. If we don’t want something in our lives, our stories feel boring, long, meaningless and tired. We feel this way because we are sitting in the theater of our mind watching a story that isn’t getting started. Or worse, we are praying and asking God to give us a story while the entire time God is handing us a pen, telling us to write it ourselves. That’s why he gave us a will. So spend some time thinking about what you want with the year. Do you want to pay down the house, get into shape, deepen a relationship? Make your ambition clear and focussed. Choose two or three dominant desires and write them down.

2. Envision a climactic scene. Screenwriters often begin their story with the end in mind. They know their entire movie is heading toward that scene where Frodo throws the ring into the fire. And they write the movie to get him there. My climactic scene will be (God willing) standing on top of Mt. Hood. So I automatically know the hundreds of scenes that are going to lead up to that climax. I know there will have to be scenes hiking in the gorge, riding my bike, eating well, spending time at high altitude, accumulating gear and so forth. If you’re goals are relational (I highly recommend half your goals be relational, because relational stories are the most fulfilling) you might envision you and your wife renewing your vows, or you and your son refurbishing a car together. Once you have that climactic scene in mind, you’ll know the scenes it takes to get there. Also, write this stuff down. Even if you just throw it away, write down what that climactic scene looks like, smells like and feels like. It will get in your brain and like a good protagonist in a great movie, you’ll wake every day knowing what you are supposed to do with your time.

3. Create an Inciting Incident. Characters don’t want to change. That’s why so many new-years resolutions fail. We write down that we want to lose twenty pounds and end up gaining ten. It happens every year. What we are overlooking is a principle that every good screenwriter knows: Characters don’t change without being forced to change. An inciting incident is the event in a movie that causes upheaval in the protagonist life. The protagonist, then, naturally seeks to return to stability. And in order to do that, he HAS to solve his new problem. In Taken, Liam Neeson’s daughter is kidnapped and he MUST find her. In The Grapes of Wrath, the dust bowl forces the Joad family west. Characters must be pressured to change, or they won’t. And a narrative context can help. For instance, with my wrapping up my fitness goals (I’ve now lost well over 100 pounds, but have definitely taken the year off to just have fun, so it’s time to get back on it) I decided to climb Mt. Hood. But that isn’t enough. An inciting incident has to force me to climb Mt. Hood, so I contacted my friend Brandon Bargo in Austin and for the last couple months we’ve been talking about what it will take. We will also, hopefully, be climbing St. Helens and Adams that same month, so I’m going to have to be in really great shape. If I don’t, there’s a social consequence. I will let my buddy down, and I’ll also look like an idiot in front of all of you guys. So bringing a friend into the mix, and going public with my ambition serves as an inciting incident. Other inciting incidents might be signing up with friends for a marathon, joining a kick-boxing class, inviting friends to dinner every Sunday, writing an I’m Sorry letter to an old friend, buying an engagement ring, writing a check to a ministry, whatever…just something that forces you to move.

That should get you started, at least. Want something, imagine a climactic scene and create an inciting incident. And do it this week. Don’t wait. I created mine in November so I could get an early start.

I don’t know very many writers who love the actual act of writing. We will do anything to avoid work. But because we have to pay our bills, at some point every day a good writer sits down to do his/her work. And it’s no different when you’re living a good story. I doubt I am going to want to run stairs every day, but the truth is I have to. And I’m not going to want to eat right, either. But I have to. I’m not trying to make the whole thing sound grim. Living a good story is a lot of fun, but it can also be difficult and boring. But when it’s done, when you’ve renewed your vows or climbed a mountain, you’ll look back on one of the most rich and fulfilling years of your life, filled with scenes of difficulty and conflict, of beauty and sacrifice. The year will feel twice as long, because anything that isn’t a story is quickly forgotten by the brain, and your entire year will have been a story.

There’s a lot more to telling a good story with your life. I explore these ideas in A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. The book is available at your local bookstore, or your favorite online vendor. Good luck living a great story in 2010!

...

Sometime soon I'll be posting my new year's resolutions. This just makes me excited. Read his book!

http://donmilleris.com/

el platano

#nowplaying: Dropkick Murphys - Warrior's Code

I hope I can go to that Dropkick Murphys show. They're crazy. Last night I made some vegan pancakes when the rest of the house was asleep. So naturally, mom was up every five seconds to make sure I wasn't making a mess. They were so good though! I put bananas in them. Here's the link to the website where I got the recipe: http://www.recipezaar.com/5-Minute-Vegan-Pancakes-132263

I ate them and watched George Lopez, all by myself. It was nice to kinda relax a little. Sometimes I get really overwhelmed for no reason. Yesterday I really didn't have much to worry about, but for some reason I always seem to find something.

Work last night was one of those rare, hilarious ones. The customers think we're kooky sometimes, I'm sure. I don't mind though. I just love the GRAVEDIGGER spill. I was bussing a table last night and found a receipt from the woman who had just been there, and the receipt was for a pack of Camel no. 9's and Fred's Kitty Cuisine. Todd and I laughed forever about that. People amuse me.

Only 8 more days in this semester. I'm ready to have art and the easy classes. This semester has been so ridiculous as far as stress and LOADS OF WORK have been concerned. Carolyn Jones is the most insane teacher in the history of the world. Just sayin'.

Dropkick Murphys Concert Tickets - The Fillmore Charlotte in Charlotte, NC

Dropkick Murphys Concert Tickets - The Fillmore Charlotte in Charlotte, NC