possibility

Mom came home from the doctor last night and gave me a survey to fill out. Some of the questions were like, "Do you often wonder what will happen after you die?" Yes, who doesn't? I thought. "When you wake up in the morning, do you often dread facing the day?" Again, I wondered who didn't from time to time. (Then I realized that I do almost every day..) The questions went on to ask, "You over-analyze everything and automatically think the worst." Absolutely, I thought. Towards the bottom of the paper, after I had (seriously) answered yes to all of the questions, the words stared up at me as if the answer had been there all along:

"If you answered yes to more than 3 of these questions, there is an increased possibility that you are suffering from clinical depression."

..I wasn't surprised. And it didn't really bother me as much as it probably should have. Then I thought about it. Without depression, without insanity, without all out madness, the world would be a very boring place. Some of the best artists and musicians have been crazy. So maybe sometimes when I wake up with the sinking feeling in my chest, it's a gift. Bless this mess.

I turn the lights out
I clean the sheets
You change the station
Turn up the heat

In the dark you tell me of a flower
that only blooms in the violet hour

Richie Blackwell, I love you. Thank you for standing by my side, even though I'm a crazy mess of emotion and unpredictable thought.