29.4.10
27.4.10
final
My eyes open slowly to adjust to the sun spilling in through my bedroom windows. The drone of the air conditioner from the next room brings me to another day of my harrowing reality. I glance over to the yellowed calendar. June 15, 1995. Not that it matters. I lie completely still and stop my breathing to listen for Johnny. God, I hope he’s not here. I stretch and turn to the nightstand. The alarm clock shares a sullen home with the spoons, lighters, and an old copy of War and Peace. Why am I still alive? I seem to be asking myself that more and more every day.
My thoughts are broken by the door creaking open. I watch through slit eyes as Johnny tries to sneak across the room. I know what he’s doing. I paid too much money for those, and since I lost my job at Krankie’s, I wasn’t trying to sacrifice what little money I did have left. “Don’t touch them,” I said, scaring Johnny, though he wouldn’t show it.
“Why? You don’t need them. I don’t think you realize how stupid you are,” he scolds.
“Why are you always so condescending?” I demand.
Silence. Johnny abruptly leaves the room, needles in hand. I lack any strength that I need to even try and get them back. A few minutes later, Johnny bursts back in, wearing a plain white T-shirt, perfectly ironed like always, jeans that were just tight enough, and his worn canvas shoes. His long, surfer-esque blonde hair flows down to the middle of his back. With him, he brings the scent of sandalwood, and I realize why I love him. He’s beautiful, and he helps me, and he cares. And he likes me. I will never be able to wrap my head around the thought of any conscious being liking me. After my father killed himself when I was nine, my mom began blaming me for it, and telling all of her bimbo friends that I was at fault. I hadn’t heard tell of my self worth since I was a child. I shut myself off from the world so much. It surprised me that I had even let Johnny in two years ago.
I watch his swift movements as he begins to stuff some of my clothes in an old suitcase. I can’t believe we’re about to go through this again. I tried this last year, and I hated it. I didn’t care if it was making me better. I just wanted out. Johnny must have known that I knew by the look on my face.
“Yep. You’re going. I’m tired of losing sleep from worrying about you,” he says. I look at the sleepy rings under his green eyes. They don’t make him any less beautiful. I want to tell him that, but I know it won’t help.
“If you just throw the needles away, I’ll stop. Please don’t make me go,” I plead. He looks at me for a long time, and I defiantly stare back. “Get some clothes on. We’re leaving. I’ll be in the car,” he says quietly.
I heave myself up, reluctant and tired. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I stare down at my pale white arms, splotched with blood and bruises. I did this to myself. I don’t even know why it makes me cringe to look at them. I throw on my worn jeans and an old Lollapalooza shirt from 1993. What an amazing year. I used to be happy. I remember holding Johnny’s hand and watching Layne sing, amazed. It was the perfect temperature outside, and I was having such a good time. That seemed so far away in my memory. That was the year I found out there was a baby. I wanted to keep him, but Johnny wasn’t ready. I tried to push that out of the way and keep a crooked smile on my face.
I come back to reality as Johnny’s Bug squeaks out a sound from the horn; my cue to hurry and get out the door. I brush my teeth and comb my fingers through my long blonde hair. I can’t believe I’m honestly going to rehab again.
Johnny doesn’t talk to me as he drives. I try to think of something to say, but I can’t. I’m not good at that stuff. The Grateful Dead cracks through the speakers to break our uncomfortable silence, anyway. The Bug slows as we approach a Circle K. Johnny gets out of the car, but I stay put. I never know what he’s up to. I don’t know when I’ll stop trying to figure him out. He walks around to my window and gives it a tap.
“Come on. I’ll get you an orangeade,” he says. They’re my favorite.
I walk in and sit at a window. There’s a bluebird outside on the sidewalk, and for a minute, in my sick and unstable mind, he’s perching on a floating branch with the most mocking smile on his face. I smile back and stick my tongue out at him. Sometimes my little visions scare me, but I’m starting to get used to them.
Johnny walks over with a black coffee in one hand and my orangeade in the other.
“Thank you,” my voice cracks. He smiles and nods. “Love you,” he tells me.
“I know.”
“Oh, is that how it is now?”
“…No. I love you too. I’m just not very happy with you right now,” I answer. He shrugs. I know he just wants the best for me, but somehow I’m so selfish that I don’t even care. I take a few sips of my orangeade and lay my head down on the table. I feel Johnny stroking my arm, and I almost fall asleep. Without stopping it, I slip into another hallucinated daze. I’m swimming in millions of tiny bubbles. Everything is orange. I open my mouth and the taste is sweet. For a moment, I float and rest my limbs. I don’t know where I am or how I got here. I blink, and in an instant, there is a clock right in my face. Its hands aren’t pointing at a certain time. The clock almost looks like it is dripping away, like it could run through my fingers. I reach out to touch it and it’s not there. I hear a baby screaming somewhere far off, and the sound of a fly buzzing right in my left ear.
“Hey. …Hey!” Johnny’s voice. I jerk my head up and allow my eyes to adjust to the sunlight. “We’re leaving now. I brought you a lid,” he says.
I trudge slowly back to the car. “We’re only ten minutes from the Recovery Center,” Johnny informs me. Like I want to know.
By the time we get there, my stomach is turning ten thousand flips. The building is made of white brick with the words ‘Willow County Recovery Center’ tacked above the two glass doors. Déjà vu.
I hesitantly step out of the Bug and slowly make my way to Johnny’s side. He kisses my forehead, and, holding me close says, “Good luck, baby.”
“I don’t need it,” I bite back. I was angry with him, and I hoped that he knew it. I shrug away from his embrace and open one of the tall doors. The smell of Pine-Sol and perfume hits me instantly. A pasty woman behind the desk asks if she can help me. I can already feel myself turning into the hateful one that calls everyone every name in the book.
“Yeah. I’m checking in,” I tell her. She stares at me for a long minute, then begins to fumble around with her pen and papers. I give her my name, Social Security, date of birth, and my heaviest drug. “Heroin.”
“How much in a day?” she asks.
“However much I can get.”
“Anything else?”
“Cocaine occasionally, a little pot here and there. Lots of alcohol, if that matters.”
“It does. And I see you’ve been here before.” I nod.
“One of the resident technicians will be here shortly to take you to your room,” she informs me. I sit in one of the hard plastic chairs and stare at Johnny. “Bye. You can leave now,” I say. I can tell he’s hurt, so I grudgingly get up and give him a hug. “I love you,” he says.
“I love you too. Don’t make me stay,” I mouth to him.
Johnny leaves, and soon enough, I’m being wisked away to a bright white room with only a bed and a night stand. The resident tech tells me the doctor will be in soon. She leaves, and I stare straight ahead at the door knob. For a minute, it turns into a tree branch. It starts to turn, and…
“I’m Dr. Campbell. You can call me Sam, if you’d like,” a petite blonde doctor sticks out her hand. I stare at it. “How can we help you?”
“I’m sick I guess. My boyfriend dragged me here, so you tell me,” I say sarcastically.
“Well, I see that you’re an acclaimed heroin addict,” she says matter-of-factly.
I nod. She looks at my arms and sees the infections. “You’ve missed a few veins, I see. We can get that cleaned up,” she tells me. I’m glad because it hurts like no one would believe. But, amazingly, I still want to use. Last night, when I shot up, a little frog came into the bathroom and he started talking to me. Would you believe that? Not even a psychiatrist would. He told me of this place where there were tall mountains and melting clocks. I told him he was full of it, but he promised me I’d be there soon enough.
My thoughts are broken by Dr. Campbell’s kind voice. “We’ll be putting you on methadone to take you off of the heroin. I’ll tell you now, it’s going to be painful, but I promise that it helps,” she says.
“Okay. Can you leave now?” I ask. She nods and gets up to leave. “The nurse will bring you your first dose in about an hour,” she says, and closes the door.
I lay back on the white bed and let my mind spill out everywhere. Life is so much better when you decide you just don’t care, I think to myself. I close my eyes, and I fall asleep.
I’m walking in the hottest sand I’ve ever felt. Even hotter than the beach’s sand in the middle of the day. I see that frog. He tells me his name is Edmond. He says, “follow me.” So we’re walking, he a little faster than I, and all of a sudden, he stops. I look up, and there’s at least one hundred clocks floating in the purple sky. I reach up to touch one, and suddenly, they vanish. I feel someone nudging my shoulder. I crack my eyes open, and it’s the nurse.
“Please take these.” She watches me take the medicine and slowly walks out.
After an hour or so, it’s taking everything in me not to rip my hair out. The pain is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. There’s a voice outside telling everyone to come to the Big Room for Group. Those pigs. My bones are being crushed in millions of tiny, angry machines, and they still expect me to go to Group and smile and be happy and tell everyone hello, I’m a heroin addict and I hate my life. No. I’m not going. I lie back down and think about time. How much of it that I’ve wasted. How no one really cares. Where have all the genuine people gone? I just lay and think about time and how much I hate it. How much it consumes us all, telling us where to be and when to go and when to stop. I wish that time didn’t exist. It is man made, and from man, I’d expect no less than something to drive the world crazy.
Again, I fall asleep. I’m back underneath the clocks, but this time, the sky is a normal blue. I don’t see Edmond anywhere. I’m standing on a platform, and I notice it’s floating above the ground. In the distance, I see those mountains he told me about. There’s a swarm of flies, and I’m getting angry, because they’re all telling me how much of a mess I am, and how useless I am. There’s no hope for you, they say. I know there isn’t. Some of the clocks are hanging on tree branches, and I’m more confused than I ever have been. But I don’t want to leave. I can hear kind voices too, from the ground, telling me to come down. They’re saying, you’re better than this. We still love you. I see Johnny and my nana. They love me. The clocks start to slip from the trees, and I catch them in my hands. Again, I feel the nudge on my shoulder.
“It’s time to come to Group.” Dr. Campbell says.
I keep my eyes shut tight. I’m not leaving. I’m not waking up. I’m never, ever waking up. My memory is useless, and time is reoccurring.
I’m never waking up.
My thoughts are broken by the door creaking open. I watch through slit eyes as Johnny tries to sneak across the room. I know what he’s doing. I paid too much money for those, and since I lost my job at Krankie’s, I wasn’t trying to sacrifice what little money I did have left. “Don’t touch them,” I said, scaring Johnny, though he wouldn’t show it.
“Why? You don’t need them. I don’t think you realize how stupid you are,” he scolds.
“Why are you always so condescending?” I demand.
Silence. Johnny abruptly leaves the room, needles in hand. I lack any strength that I need to even try and get them back. A few minutes later, Johnny bursts back in, wearing a plain white T-shirt, perfectly ironed like always, jeans that were just tight enough, and his worn canvas shoes. His long, surfer-esque blonde hair flows down to the middle of his back. With him, he brings the scent of sandalwood, and I realize why I love him. He’s beautiful, and he helps me, and he cares. And he likes me. I will never be able to wrap my head around the thought of any conscious being liking me. After my father killed himself when I was nine, my mom began blaming me for it, and telling all of her bimbo friends that I was at fault. I hadn’t heard tell of my self worth since I was a child. I shut myself off from the world so much. It surprised me that I had even let Johnny in two years ago.
I watch his swift movements as he begins to stuff some of my clothes in an old suitcase. I can’t believe we’re about to go through this again. I tried this last year, and I hated it. I didn’t care if it was making me better. I just wanted out. Johnny must have known that I knew by the look on my face.
“Yep. You’re going. I’m tired of losing sleep from worrying about you,” he says. I look at the sleepy rings under his green eyes. They don’t make him any less beautiful. I want to tell him that, but I know it won’t help.
“If you just throw the needles away, I’ll stop. Please don’t make me go,” I plead. He looks at me for a long time, and I defiantly stare back. “Get some clothes on. We’re leaving. I’ll be in the car,” he says quietly.
I heave myself up, reluctant and tired. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I stare down at my pale white arms, splotched with blood and bruises. I did this to myself. I don’t even know why it makes me cringe to look at them. I throw on my worn jeans and an old Lollapalooza shirt from 1993. What an amazing year. I used to be happy. I remember holding Johnny’s hand and watching Layne sing, amazed. It was the perfect temperature outside, and I was having such a good time. That seemed so far away in my memory. That was the year I found out there was a baby. I wanted to keep him, but Johnny wasn’t ready. I tried to push that out of the way and keep a crooked smile on my face.
I come back to reality as Johnny’s Bug squeaks out a sound from the horn; my cue to hurry and get out the door. I brush my teeth and comb my fingers through my long blonde hair. I can’t believe I’m honestly going to rehab again.
Johnny doesn’t talk to me as he drives. I try to think of something to say, but I can’t. I’m not good at that stuff. The Grateful Dead cracks through the speakers to break our uncomfortable silence, anyway. The Bug slows as we approach a Circle K. Johnny gets out of the car, but I stay put. I never know what he’s up to. I don’t know when I’ll stop trying to figure him out. He walks around to my window and gives it a tap.
“Come on. I’ll get you an orangeade,” he says. They’re my favorite.
I walk in and sit at a window. There’s a bluebird outside on the sidewalk, and for a minute, in my sick and unstable mind, he’s perching on a floating branch with the most mocking smile on his face. I smile back and stick my tongue out at him. Sometimes my little visions scare me, but I’m starting to get used to them.
Johnny walks over with a black coffee in one hand and my orangeade in the other.
“Thank you,” my voice cracks. He smiles and nods. “Love you,” he tells me.
“I know.”
“Oh, is that how it is now?”
“…No. I love you too. I’m just not very happy with you right now,” I answer. He shrugs. I know he just wants the best for me, but somehow I’m so selfish that I don’t even care. I take a few sips of my orangeade and lay my head down on the table. I feel Johnny stroking my arm, and I almost fall asleep. Without stopping it, I slip into another hallucinated daze. I’m swimming in millions of tiny bubbles. Everything is orange. I open my mouth and the taste is sweet. For a moment, I float and rest my limbs. I don’t know where I am or how I got here. I blink, and in an instant, there is a clock right in my face. Its hands aren’t pointing at a certain time. The clock almost looks like it is dripping away, like it could run through my fingers. I reach out to touch it and it’s not there. I hear a baby screaming somewhere far off, and the sound of a fly buzzing right in my left ear.
“Hey. …Hey!” Johnny’s voice. I jerk my head up and allow my eyes to adjust to the sunlight. “We’re leaving now. I brought you a lid,” he says.
I trudge slowly back to the car. “We’re only ten minutes from the Recovery Center,” Johnny informs me. Like I want to know.
By the time we get there, my stomach is turning ten thousand flips. The building is made of white brick with the words ‘Willow County Recovery Center’ tacked above the two glass doors. Déjà vu.
I hesitantly step out of the Bug and slowly make my way to Johnny’s side. He kisses my forehead, and, holding me close says, “Good luck, baby.”
“I don’t need it,” I bite back. I was angry with him, and I hoped that he knew it. I shrug away from his embrace and open one of the tall doors. The smell of Pine-Sol and perfume hits me instantly. A pasty woman behind the desk asks if she can help me. I can already feel myself turning into the hateful one that calls everyone every name in the book.
“Yeah. I’m checking in,” I tell her. She stares at me for a long minute, then begins to fumble around with her pen and papers. I give her my name, Social Security, date of birth, and my heaviest drug. “Heroin.”
“How much in a day?” she asks.
“However much I can get.”
“Anything else?”
“Cocaine occasionally, a little pot here and there. Lots of alcohol, if that matters.”
“It does. And I see you’ve been here before.” I nod.
“One of the resident technicians will be here shortly to take you to your room,” she informs me. I sit in one of the hard plastic chairs and stare at Johnny. “Bye. You can leave now,” I say. I can tell he’s hurt, so I grudgingly get up and give him a hug. “I love you,” he says.
“I love you too. Don’t make me stay,” I mouth to him.
Johnny leaves, and soon enough, I’m being wisked away to a bright white room with only a bed and a night stand. The resident tech tells me the doctor will be in soon. She leaves, and I stare straight ahead at the door knob. For a minute, it turns into a tree branch. It starts to turn, and…
“I’m Dr. Campbell. You can call me Sam, if you’d like,” a petite blonde doctor sticks out her hand. I stare at it. “How can we help you?”
“I’m sick I guess. My boyfriend dragged me here, so you tell me,” I say sarcastically.
“Well, I see that you’re an acclaimed heroin addict,” she says matter-of-factly.
I nod. She looks at my arms and sees the infections. “You’ve missed a few veins, I see. We can get that cleaned up,” she tells me. I’m glad because it hurts like no one would believe. But, amazingly, I still want to use. Last night, when I shot up, a little frog came into the bathroom and he started talking to me. Would you believe that? Not even a psychiatrist would. He told me of this place where there were tall mountains and melting clocks. I told him he was full of it, but he promised me I’d be there soon enough.
My thoughts are broken by Dr. Campbell’s kind voice. “We’ll be putting you on methadone to take you off of the heroin. I’ll tell you now, it’s going to be painful, but I promise that it helps,” she says.
“Okay. Can you leave now?” I ask. She nods and gets up to leave. “The nurse will bring you your first dose in about an hour,” she says, and closes the door.
I lay back on the white bed and let my mind spill out everywhere. Life is so much better when you decide you just don’t care, I think to myself. I close my eyes, and I fall asleep.
I’m walking in the hottest sand I’ve ever felt. Even hotter than the beach’s sand in the middle of the day. I see that frog. He tells me his name is Edmond. He says, “follow me.” So we’re walking, he a little faster than I, and all of a sudden, he stops. I look up, and there’s at least one hundred clocks floating in the purple sky. I reach up to touch one, and suddenly, they vanish. I feel someone nudging my shoulder. I crack my eyes open, and it’s the nurse.
“Please take these.” She watches me take the medicine and slowly walks out.
After an hour or so, it’s taking everything in me not to rip my hair out. The pain is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. There’s a voice outside telling everyone to come to the Big Room for Group. Those pigs. My bones are being crushed in millions of tiny, angry machines, and they still expect me to go to Group and smile and be happy and tell everyone hello, I’m a heroin addict and I hate my life. No. I’m not going. I lie back down and think about time. How much of it that I’ve wasted. How no one really cares. Where have all the genuine people gone? I just lay and think about time and how much I hate it. How much it consumes us all, telling us where to be and when to go and when to stop. I wish that time didn’t exist. It is man made, and from man, I’d expect no less than something to drive the world crazy.
Again, I fall asleep. I’m back underneath the clocks, but this time, the sky is a normal blue. I don’t see Edmond anywhere. I’m standing on a platform, and I notice it’s floating above the ground. In the distance, I see those mountains he told me about. There’s a swarm of flies, and I’m getting angry, because they’re all telling me how much of a mess I am, and how useless I am. There’s no hope for you, they say. I know there isn’t. Some of the clocks are hanging on tree branches, and I’m more confused than I ever have been. But I don’t want to leave. I can hear kind voices too, from the ground, telling me to come down. They’re saying, you’re better than this. We still love you. I see Johnny and my nana. They love me. The clocks start to slip from the trees, and I catch them in my hands. Again, I feel the nudge on my shoulder.
“It’s time to come to Group.” Dr. Campbell says.
I keep my eyes shut tight. I’m not leaving. I’m not waking up. I’m never, ever waking up. My memory is useless, and time is reoccurring.
I’m never waking up.
26.4.10
birthday soup
this weekend was so fun. it was one of the best i've had in a long time. my birthday was fun, i love my friends so much. i missed tyler and christian a lot though. i'm glad i finally have my tattoo. i already want another one, and i think i might go look through some of the flash this week when i'm off work. cause i want something smaller for my next one. i might get a phoenix underneath my arm. i've always wanted one of those; i like the idea of how a phoenix rises from its ashes. thats strength. i want something that really symbolizes strength. i'm excited to get another one. i want to make sure i'm good on my money though.
i got season seven of friends, man i was so excited. i bought a used copy from fye. i need seasons 2-4, 6, and 8-10. bad. i never know when its gonna be on tv. but i seriously love that show. will decided that our group of friends is like the cast of friends. haha. he said i'm a mix of rachel and phoebe, he's chandler, christian is joey, tyler is DEFINITELY ross, kelsea is monica, and lydian is phoebe. i love them. will made me this awesome birthday card with a picture of phoebe and chandler. it made my day.
i got season seven of friends, man i was so excited. i bought a used copy from fye. i need seasons 2-4, 6, and 8-10. bad. i never know when its gonna be on tv. but i seriously love that show. will decided that our group of friends is like the cast of friends. haha. he said i'm a mix of rachel and phoebe, he's chandler, christian is joey, tyler is DEFINITELY ross, kelsea is monica, and lydian is phoebe. i love them. will made me this awesome birthday card with a picture of phoebe and chandler. it made my day.
22.4.10
its weird to think that my birthday is in two days. im excited but i dont want to be considered an 'adult' yet. today im so tired. i was gonna go to yoga, but i have to work because amber has a game. of course. amber is the sun, moon, and stars, you know. syke. oh well. ill have a lot of money for this weekend.
happy earth day, hippie friends
12.4.10
Last week
was seriously shit. I haven't had a bad week like that in a long time. I'm just saying, everything that could have went wrong, did.
I was really upset Friday night that i wasn't a prom. I had to work of course, and apparently I would have had to anyway. Randy told me i couldn't have went because amber asked off too. Whatever. I wanted to go! And get dolled up, because I never get to, and dance with glow sticks. Haha.
Oh well, I scheduled my second tattoo appointment for May 1st, it's basically like a half sleeve of stars. They're all gonna be contour, and I think I'll get some of the lines on some thicker.
I don't know what to talk about on here anymore. I wish I did. I hope this week is a lot better. People are so shitty.
I was really upset Friday night that i wasn't a prom. I had to work of course, and apparently I would have had to anyway. Randy told me i couldn't have went because amber asked off too. Whatever. I wanted to go! And get dolled up, because I never get to, and dance with glow sticks. Haha.
Oh well, I scheduled my second tattoo appointment for May 1st, it's basically like a half sleeve of stars. They're all gonna be contour, and I think I'll get some of the lines on some thicker.
I don't know what to talk about on here anymore. I wish I did. I hope this week is a lot better. People are so shitty.
31.3.10
today
is an early release day at school, and i would like it except for the lack of plans. i wanted to go to prom with adam but he cant. i dont guess im mad though. i probably have to work that night anyway. he would have looked cute in a tux. i'll make him take me next year.
me, jordan, and tyler are supposed to be going to the beach the weekend after graduation. i really hope that all works out. it would be so fun.
i cant believe my birthday is in 24 days. my appt is at 12:30 that day and im so excited. if it weren't for that i probably wouldnt be so excited about my birthday.
me, jordan, and tyler are supposed to be going to the beach the weekend after graduation. i really hope that all works out. it would be so fun.
i cant believe my birthday is in 24 days. my appt is at 12:30 that day and im so excited. if it weren't for that i probably wouldnt be so excited about my birthday.
I'm sorry
for not being on here lately. I do still get on here to read Kayla or Julie's stuff, but then I never get around to writing my own.
All I'm saying is I ain't so lonely anymore!
All I'm saying is I ain't so lonely anymore!
18.3.10
17.3.10
this feeling
feels like a lost cause. i dont like liking something that is out of the question. not one bit~
16.3.10
march 16
nothing to talk about anymore..
I wish you out of the woods
And into the picture with me.
I wish you over the m o o n ,
Come out of the question and be.
If this going to
R u n round in my head
I might as well be dreaming.
Run round in my head
I rollercoaster for you.
Time out of mind
Must be heavenly.
It's all enchanted and wild,
It's just like my heart said
It was going to be.
I wish you out of the woods
And into the picture with me.
I wish you over the m o o n ,
Come out of the question and be.
If this going to
R u n round in my head
I might as well be dreaming.
Run round in my head
I rollercoaster for you.
Time out of mind
Must be heavenly.
It's all enchanted and wild,
It's just like my heart said
It was going to be.
9.3.10
march 9
i think that everyone needs to listen to the album, nothing is okay by the everybodyfields. ive been listening to them so much lately, i love it. they remind me of the bands we listened to and saw at merlefest when i was little. i miss going there! tickets are so expensive now, and mom never wants to go anymore. i want to go to bonnaroo this summer. ive wanted to go there forever. i hate when plans like that get forgotten or pushed aside. oh well. i just want to go to a music festival at some point this year. i will.
business has been picking up a lot lately at work, which is good. probably because its getting warmer outside (im so glad, i want to go to the beach).
i finished my research paper, turned it in and got an a+. talk about relief. my advisor still has to look at it, but im not worried about that. haha.
im turning eighteen in 46 days and im so excited. i cant waaaaaait. i dont know what to talk about.. but i never do. i miss my dad. i do every day but its when i really think about it that i realize how bad i wish he was home. like today, i had the day off and had nothing at all to do. and if he was home, we could've hung out. i miss him. and it looks like hes not coming home in april.
march 9
i'm so excited about our yearbook shirts. theyre gonna be baseball teeeeeeessssss!!!! julie and kayla if youre reading this text me for details, we reserved two shirts for yall.
<3
<3
4.3.10
march 4
not much has went on lately! my life has basically been consumed by the graduation project, and i swear to myself and everyone else that i will be done with that research paper by tuesday. thats the "proposed" deadline for everyone. but anyway, this project has helped me to be so organized. i use my planner like crazy, as you can see. i love it though. i have a new love for office supplies and stacks of paper. i especially love paper clips. please dont judge me by this! im weird, i know. i love being organized though.
i think i want to go to grad school. im transferring (hopefully) to greensboro, so ill probably just stay there after the two years for graduate school. exciting, i know.
my hair is starting to fade a lot. :( i kinda want to put some blonde highlights in it. i think that might look good with the red. but i dont want really dramatic blonde that looks fake. my hair just really gets on my nerves. its had its run and its just not pretty anymore. i need to get a lot more layers, or something.
tyler and i were making fun of those aspca commercials with the sarah mclachlan song. seriously? there's starving children everywhere, even in this town, and theyre trying to guilt us into caring more about animals. i mean, animal abuse by no means is okay. im just saying.
anyway i just wanted to say that EMILY LIPE MAKES ME LIVID. and we are NOT changing all the hard work i did for the senior edition. i spent hours finishing all that typing, and afterwards dealt with burning wrists. im just preparing myself for presentation day and everyone criticizing the yearbook. everyone can suck it! love, skylar and tyler.
im still livid, mostly because i love that word.
2.3.10
26.2.10
25.2.10
february 25
^^this weekend, but not me. and better. and bonier. HAHA
__________________
i wanted to do this on here too, so i got it from kayla. it seems like my answers are never the same when i do this.
time started - 1:00 pm in Spanish 3. haha
full name - skylar cierra jones
nickname(s) - peanut, sky, little, jones
birthday - april 24, 1992
where were you born - north carolina
height - 5'7". kinda
weight - not telling
hair color - bright red
eye color - blue
shoe size - 9
ring size - 7
skin type (freckles, tan, albino, etc.) - pale
blood type - idk
siblings - kristie jeffrey lee justin cole styrling sleydar
tattoos - none YET
piercings - industrial, bellybutton, ears
hobbies - drawing, listening to music, watching tv, redwork
favorite:
color - gray
food - anything w/ noodles
candy - twizzlers
type of cheese - mozzerella (sp?)
pizza topping - cheeeeesy
salad dressing - ranch or italian
sandwich - banana and mayo
cereal - UMMMM. ctc, apple jacks, pops, honey comb, froot loops, fruity and cocoa pebbles, raisin bran...pretty much all kinds except kashi.
fruit - ALL KINDS
vegetable - broccoli
berry - strawberry
cake - chocolate
book - blue like jazz. or night. or eclipse.. haha
movie - american history x
tv show - FRIENDS
website - facebook. this and tumblr too
radio station - 100.3, 92.3, 94.1
font - arial, times
cartoon character - spongebob
actor - edward norton
actress - sandra bullock
cd - right now THE FAME MONSTER
song - idk but wish you were here by pink floyd
music group - led zeppelin, always
music type - pretty much all
day of the week - usually saturdays
month - april duh
season - spring
holiday - christmas
shampoo - dove
conditioner - same
phrase - SUCK IT UP PRINCESS
store - american eagle
weather - mild. breezy but warm
restaurant - too hard to pick
channel - the cw
weekend activity - uhhhhh. work?
hangout - my house or someone elses. the pb
sport to watch - football. NY GIANTS or baseball, RED SOX
sport to play - nonezies
animal - dog
flower - buttercup
board game - life
party game - .......
story from childhood - some story my papaw used to tell me about a dog, i dont remember it but i know i loved it.
body part - hands
have you ever:
been on a train - yes
been on a plane - yes
been in a car accident - yes
caused a car accident - yes
run into a wall - no
burned a potato chip - no
almost burned the house down - yeah
smoked - yes
been drunk - no
broken the law - yes
burned a cd (if yes, the one above is yes) - yes
kissed someone of the opposite sex - yes
kissed someone of the same sex - no
gotten engaged - no
had an online relationship - no
been rejected by a crush - who hasnt
loved - yeah
made yourself cry to get out of trouble - DUH
cried in public - yeah. at work
cried over a movie - yeah
fallen asleep in a movie theater - in monsters v. aliens, i was so tired and sick
given someone a bath - niece and nephew
been to a boarding school - no
been home-schooled - no
lost a valuable item - not really
bungee jumped - no
skied - no
met the president - no
met a celebrity - no
gotten a cavity - yes
shopped at abercrombie & fitch - fuck that
made a prank call - YES
skipped school - yes
faked sick to get out of school - yes
climbed a tree - yes
fallen from a tree - no
broken a bone - yes
sprained anything - no
passed out - yes
made yourself pass out - ...no
been to disney world - no
been to a theme park (not disney) - yes
said i love you and meant it (not to a relative) - yes
made a model volcano (working model) - no
made a clover leaf with your tounge - no
past:
what did you do yesterday - went to school, went to work
memory you miss the most - when dad was home, my adoptive dad, being little
memory you want to forget - idk, none
something you regretted after it was done - idk
the last:
song you heard - aenema...i never know if i spell that right
cd you bought - the fame monster
thing you said - youre stupid, tyler
time you cried - last night. stressed as hell
movie seen in a theater - valentines day
thing you ate - pop tart
person who called - mom
nail polish shade worn - none in forever
time you showered - this morning
person who complimented you - dmb prolly
at this moment:
what are you listening to - kelsea talk
what are you wearing - gray ae sweater, jeans, shoes
what are you thinking - jfkaljsdldjkl;sa
what are you scared of most - losing people i love
future:
occupation - tattoo artist or drug rehab counselor
marriage site - boone
honeymoon - europe
place to live - boone
kids - 0
car - my little baby neon forever
what are you doing tomorrow - school and work
will there be a WWIII - prob.
will politics ever be truthful - no
do you believe in:
heaven - yes
hell - yes
angels - yes
devil - yes
God - yes
buddha - yes
aliens - no
ghosts - yes
spirit (soul) - yes
soulmates - sure
reincarnation - no
love at first sight - no
karma - yes
love in general - sure
luck - no
yourself - sure
who and when was your first crush - idk someone in kindergarten prolly.
a celebrity crush - hey robert pattinson
whose number do you want - no ones
what is something you dont understand about the opposite sex - how they like the most dumbass girls on the planet. just sayin'
on scale of one to ten, how romantic are you - negative 5
what do you look for personality-wise - humility, honesty, kindness
something the opposite sex wears that you like - slip ons. tight flannels, if youre skinny
something the opposite sex wears that you don't like - tacky slouchy pants. idk
the most romantic thing that has happened to you - idk
do you want to hug somebody right now - no
describe:
mellow - relaxed
melancholy - sad
the perfect date - nap
the perfect mate - idk
why manhole covers are round - for the round people going in them
one or the other:
coke/pepsi - pepsi
sprite/7-up - Sprite
vanilla/chocolate - Chocolate
flowers/candy - candy
book/magazine - both. i guess book
tv/radio - tv i guess
glass half empty/half full - neither one ITS LIQUID IN A CUP
democrat/republican - socially dem.
colored pencils/markers - no colored pencils they dont blend well
coffee/tea - BOTH BOTH BOTH
sun/moon - moon
day/night - night
hot/cold - middle
dog/cat - puppies and kittens
button/zipper - button
cotton/feather pillow - feather
blue/purple - purple
jeans/shorts - jeans
long distance relationship/none - i'm not sure about that one. maybe for a short period of time long distance.
mechanical/regular pencil - Depends, writing- mechanical. Drawing-regular
romantic comedy/thriller - thriller
nsync/bsb - neither
peanut butter/jelly - neither
waffles/pancakes - waffles
letter/email - letter from my dad
florida/california - california, never been to fl
pizza/burgers - burgers
hat/visor - neither
movie at home/in theater - at home
first thing you think of when you hear:
yellow - bird
red lipstick - classy
socks - wool
cowtipping - cars
moulin rouge - glitter
greenland - ice
iceland - green
harry potter - "you're a wizard, harry"
red - my hair
blackberry - cobbler
rose - typical
rooster - aic
taxes - unfortunate
bill clinton - great economist
whipped cream - ice cream
george w. bush - idiot
lollipops - rainbow
dreams - id
love - life
guys - beer. haha kayla
south park - lame
boy bands - ....
pengiuns - tuxedos
girls - sluts
death - and all his friends
spoons - sliver
junk mail - email
dairy - milk
your father - tattoos
pizza - mellow mush
vitamin - e
are you:
happy - yes
sad - no
religious - no
crazy - no
messy - some
mad - no
slacker - sometimes
nerd - sometimes
bookworm - sometimes
jock - no
preppy - no
selfish - no
giving - yes
obsessive - no
violent - no
calm - sometimes
peaceful - sometimes
mellow - sometimes
eccentric - yes
caring - yes
untrustworthy - no
loyal - yes
patriotic - no
colorful - sometimes
artistic - yes
miscellaneous:
what color is your jacket - blue
do you shave - yeah
what color is your razor - purple
what size is your bed - queeeen
what color crayon would you be - olive
what are the last four digits of you phone number - 2816
how long does it take you to shower - 15 mins
who do you trust the most - no one. maybe my dad
is cussing a necessity in life - no, it's a habit
how about coffee - no
is the world screwed - the human race is
what something you can't live without - air
what time did you fall asleep - 11pm
can you live without a microwave - never
what do think about death - hate it
where and when do you want to be married - djskjdklajasdkl
why is the sky blue - not always blue
what is a good trait about yourself - open minded
how do you react to change - dont like it
do you talk to yourself - yeah sometimes
what is your opinion on love -
if you wrote a book, what would it be about - drugs...addiction and recovery, i dont have experience though. haha
time finished - 2:56 pm.. had to work on other stuff!
24.2.10
february 24
sorry for not writing yesterday. tragic, i know.
it really makes me mad when i work my ass off and dont get recognized, or appreciated for it one bit. im in such a bad mood right now.
thats all.
22.2.10
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